You might be forgiven for thinking that most Indians are deaf: everything is so loud that if deafness isn't the cause of the din, it'll soon enough be the effect.

India has to be the noisiest country I have ever experienced. Stereos only have one volume setting - LOUD - and Hindi music without distortion simply doesn't exist. Horns don't just blare, they make your ears bleed. And as for the music itself, regardless of the singing, those string sections are designed to cut through any din, right to the base of the spine.

But despite the traffic noise, shouting, singing, expectorating, piercing music and out-of-tune motorcycle engines, you can't buy earplugs in India. Indian workers use pneumatic drills without ear protection, because ear protection costs more than a replacement worker. Indian voices manage to slice through conversation without needing to shout: the men selling chai on the trains can be heard advertising their wares from three carriages off, and are guaranteed to wake you up every time you pull into a station. Horns don't just shake the earth, they come in a number of different tunes that will indelibly scar your eardrums. The buses come complete with deafening Hindi music played at full volume, drowning out even the grind of the gears and the smash of the ruined shock absorbers. And a traditional game played by travelers is 'I wonder what strange noise my room fan will make tonight?' It's not best game in the world.

And asking anyone to turn the music down will earn you a look of incredulity, as if you've just asked the driver if he can stop using the brakes. You could say he turns a deaf ear...